I don’t really know what it was that persuaded Seth I was worth a place in the order and I never worked harder in my life. See, there are the flashy presentations, the ones that make everything look effortless and magical, and then there is the grueling work that makes the presentation possible, the flaws and failures you have to set aside and restart, the changes that occur mid-sequence, the giving of more than you think you can without collapsing, the mind numbingly boring details you have to go over again and again, the tensions that spark when everyone is on edge, the disagreements, the temperament differences, the physical pain, the back work.
I often thought of what my life would have been like if that defining moment happened sooner, but this is the kind of wasted energy that doesn’t yield any benefit. I just chose to believe that my life unfolded exactly the way it was supposed to in order to lead me here. Or not. Don’t know, don’t care, and in either case, I’m grateful, because if it didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be in this handmade paradise, a thousand years later.
You may find yourself at crossroads at some point in your life, with no aim and no compass and exposed to the winds, most of us get to that place sooner or later. Don’t pick any of the roads just because somebody is asking you to choose between them, find the destination you want to reach and build your own path to get there if you have to.
(Letters to Lelia – Letter Twenty – Facing yourself)